Sound the Buzzer – #GoodGirlMarch? UH UHHH

Talk about setting myself up for a fall! I got to day 2 and then I pretty much crumbled.

Where did it go wrong?

This week I have been hungry all of the time and on day 3 I was already feeling frustrated that I wasn’t going to be able to join in with work drinks at an event later that week. To make matters worse I then got what I thought was a head cold but I am starting to wonder if there is something to the ‘spiritual flu’ theory. Overall I feel overtired, drained, heavy and a little misplaced in general.

Getting my mojo back!

Whatever mojo I had when I started this leg of a very long weightloss / gain / loss story in June last year – I am struggling to get it back.

Whatever rules I set for myself, whatever diet plan I choose to follow I just push and push the boundaries with a counter determination to live ‘normally’.

I thought just stopping cambridge and doing high protein might be enough, which I attempted by day 4 but it just took one social occasion to knock me off that high horse. Beer and wine were the only options and then we were at a steak restaurant and surrounded my tasty nibbles.

So, what now? What about #GoodGirlMarch?

Peacefully sleeping next to me as I type frantically on my phone, is my 7lbs lighter boyfriend who has been doing very well with cutting out carbs. I am so pleased for him but here I am. Unable to sleep and writing a blog post in the hope that it will spur me on to do better.

In this moment I feel bloated, tired, defeated. And most of all – I feel angry for not being able to control myself. It’s not that I can’t find the motivation. The biggest problem is that I actually dont think I want it. The truth is… I have had enough. I just want to be. I know how to maintain weight now and I just don’t feel like depriving myself anymore.

I am in a rut. A self sabotaging, over indulging, self critical rut.

I am going to try to pull myself together for a restart and amended #GoodGirl4RestOfMarch mission on Monday.

Wish me luck!

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